Freakin' out on a Saturday night part II

As we drove to our first destination, Kazs' kids, I was assured that everything would be alright and that we were simply looking to get an idea of what we might need in the near future. No biggie I kept telling myself, but as soon as we walked into the store panic overwhelmed my once calm demeanor, I was now in full "oh shit" mode. We spent a hour in there looking and examining prices. $1000 for a crib, $600 for a stroller, $600 for the change table, $XXX for diapers food and clothing, -$XXX for Katie not working anymore. Again quick math in my head and "OH SHIT" As we left this store we proceeded to another baby store called E-children with the same result. As we neared the end of our visit to E-children, my wife looked at me and could tell i was a bit uneasy, saying "Too much Too fast??" I could only muster a squeak that sounded like a "yes". We left the store and went about our nightly business, or so my wife thought.

that night we had two house warming parties to attend and since I know had a Built in Designated Driver, I thought it would be a good idea to bring Gin and Tonic, other was know as G&T, to the parties. As the parties wore on and the drinks came faster, I could no longer hold it in. I was now starting to sweat and it was not hot enough to sweat even if I wanted. As I wiped my brow, I kept telling myself to calm down and stop being an idiot. But the feeling could not be quelled, I was a ticking time bomb about to explode.

Now many of you would have stopped and thought to yourself, if I stopped drinking, maybe I will be able to calm down and think a little more rationally. Well my friends, I could have used that advice at the time of the said freak out.

As we pulled up to our second destination, the ticking inside was getting louder and louder like the infamous tell tale heart. I couldn't stop it so I quickly poured another drink and tried to push it back down. It was sort of working, so I was telling myself, until friends who had not heard about our little secret began to congratulate us and tell us how happy they were for us, all fine and dandy, but they continued on with things such as "Your lives will NEVER be the same" or "Hope you didn't like money" other said "Man you don't know what you are getting yourself into". Now as I look back on these I know that they weren't meant to wake a sleeping giant, and how were they to know what I had been going through all day. Well That was it, I couldn't control it anymore. I was now officially freaking out.

I am not ready for this, we cant afford this, do you know how much all this stuff cost, I cant be a parent, I wont be a good parent, 6 months is not enough time, I wasted the last 3 months, I want to travel more, is there a pause button, Can I make it stop and then start again when I am ready, do we have to get a mini van... were all thoughts and sentences that came out of my mouth in what seemed like one long run-on sentence. I was left panting for air, sweating and extremely unsure of myself. What have I gotten myself into. If too much G&T caused panic, I was officially KO'd drunk!

Here is the part where my two buddies "Trevor linden" and "Pete the Plumber" came to my rescue. They talked me down and calmed the monster that was now unleashed. To make this LONG story short, a few more drinks and a lot of conversation about buying second hand, not getting more on our plate from God that we can handle, my wife most likely doing a lot of the feeding and stuff during the first few months, as well as numerous other heartfelt assurances that I, and we, can and will be able to do this.

So I am thankful to say that I have made it to and through my first and hopefully only official "freak out" of becoming a father. I still have times where I don't believe it, but I am thoroughly excited and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our little one in early march. To those of you who helped my little incident, thank you and good night!!