Giving up coffee

Okay, so I decided to give up coffee for the span of one month, no I am not crazy enough to give it up forever. This was a decision that I came to one night while I laid awake not feeling that well, and looking back on the past few days of not feeling well, and I came to the realization that I was drinking too much coffee. Now some of you may question this thought process and tell me that one can not drink too much coffee, but when you start to feel bloated and you are using a quick "timmies" (Tim Horton's for you American folk) for a pick me up instead of breakfast, lunch - or in my case usually both, things are not good.

So as of august 1st I have not had any coffee. I have found that my cravings weren't as bad at the beginning of my ordeal, but as the days have turned into weeks (august 9 today) I find more and more that I might be on the verge of killing for a coffee. I even find myself day dreaming as I drive about church coffee... I know scary, we all know we only drink church coffee because

A) everyone else is
B) It is the socially acceptable thing to do after church
C) It gives you an out when you don't want to talk to someone

other than these reason, we really don't ever need to submit ourselves to the "church coffee" simply for enjoyment, it doesn't exist.

There was one other thing that I have started to notice since I have given up my beloved coffee, and this may comes as a shock to some of you, I have started to inexplicably gain weight. Now for those of you who don't know me really well, gaining weight has always been an issue with me, as in I was always the scrawny kid with the pipe cleaner arms. Now don't get me wrong I am not complaining nor am I saying that I am fat, but I got my thinking. Give up coffee, gain weight... there had to be a correlation, something that ties to two together. Then it came to me, coffee is a natural stimulant that causes the bowels to do their thing, which up until this point had been a regular 3 times a day occurrence. Well now I was experiencing something that scared me, my routine had been broken, my days are muddled and confused as my natural clock is no longer running properly, as if it had run out of batteries.

So now, dear readers I have come to this point, I know that coffee is the battery that runs my natural clock, yet I have made the decision to give up coffee for a month. By my count I still have a long way to go until the end of august. So I am put to a decision, either put up with that fact that my body is pissed at me and is going to do everything to throw things off, or admit I cant do it and return to my beloved coffee like Romulus to the mother teat. So my decision is simple really...

I am going to start smoking, and that way I don't give up, I get my battery back up and running and all is well again. As we all know, a smoke and a coffee is always good for...