I have a problem with cats, yes yes I know that it might be an obsession, but also just in general I have a problem with cats. So anyway as you have all read I have a little thing going with these devil creatures in my neighbourhood, ranging from a pulled hamstring to me throwing all the cat shit into the neighbours yard (don't worry it is the cat owner's yard!) So I was with some friends awhile back and the topic of Satan's pets came up. We all got to talking and after a few bottles of wine and a some beer, we came up with a great idea for these creatures of the depths! When we were gone to Grand Rapids for American Thanksgiving, two individuals would take it upon themselves to rid me of my problem(s). It was all planned to perfections, the covert operation was going to take place while I was out of town and therefore wouldn't be liable for the deaths that were about to occur... PERFECT!!! How it was going to happen was late at night two "friends" were going to use all their skill in tracking, guerrilla warfare, sniper ability, and last but definitely the most important BLOW GUN SKILLS!! You see I have been shot with a dummy dart from the end of a blow gun, and all I can say is D@#MN does it hurt. You put a lethal dart in there and "Bye bye kitty Kat". We left and thought that the plan would go into effect and thought that it had, that was until the last snow fall.
You see when we returned home, there were no real signs of the local pests, "great, they are dead at last" I thought to myself. Then the truth started to reveal itself. After the latest snow fall, when I retrieved our morning paper, there they were taunting me... foot prints, and not just any prints but those of a demonic cat! I decided to investigate a little more to make sure that it was cat prints for sure and it lead me right to a little dirt mound that reeked of cat!!! I couldn't believe it my "friends" had let me down, there had been no killing field in the middle of the night, there had been no stuck cat crawling under some tree to die a slow and painful death, there had been no.... you get the point.
So to those of you out there, and you know who you are, I relinquish my friendship and ask that you never speak to me or of this again. I left my heart wide open and it was broken and left for dead with a little spittle on it. The sad thing is that the joke was on me and not on the cats. It wasn't the cats that died, but a little part of me died that fateful morning when I went to get the paper... I will forgive but the heart wont forget, a cat hater scorned is, well a cat hater scorned.
Cats 3 Me 2
to be continued....
4 comments:
Sounds like you need some new friends. Us Deer Hunters from Michigan would have had that thing dead before you were a mile away.
I hate cats too, so I feel your pain. Luckily our neighbors' (see no need for a useless, silent "u") cat seems to do its "business" in the woods and not in our yard.
Check out:
http://content.calgary.ca/CCA/City+Hall/Business+Units/Animal+and+Bylaw+Services/Bylaw+Services/Bylaws+of+Interest/Cats.htm
Apparently, the law in Calgary states that buddy will be fined 100 bucks +30 bucks impound fee for his cat being off his property. AND if the cat has no license it's another 250 bucks. Think about it, if you made THIS happen, buddy will kill his own cat.
Alex,
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you. I have submitted a formal request to the city of Calgary to remove these vermin from my land. It is interesting that cats are not allowed to be on any property but there own, same as dog, yet somehow there are still allowed to run free by some owners. I will keep you updated on the progress the city makes. Thanks again!!
Matt,
You can legally trap the cat yourself if you so desire. I don't know if you read that part but basically this is what you can do:
You go the impound place and pay a $120 deposit for a cat trap. Then when you trap the cat, you bring it back and get your $120 bucks back. If the owner is unidentifiable the cat gets to see it's maker, it the owner is identifiable, he/she has to pay a fine to get it back. Sweet stuff.
Post a Comment