Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Respect, or lack thereof

So my question that arises today pertains again to the cats, but also to those of you who smoke. Now we all know how I feel about cats and people who don't have control over them and let them run wild to shit and piss all over your flowers beds and gardens, which is really bad for pregnant women I might add. So we have that lack of respect covered. The other lack of respect that I am going to talk about today is that of certain smokers. Now before all you smokers get your g-string panties in a bunch, sit down, shut up and read the entire post.

As many of you know, I take great pride in having a nice looking yard and garden, free of weeds, most quack grass and any other non-natural items. So when I come home to see that I have cigarette butts strew about in front of my house on the sidewalk and street, as well as in my lawn I get to wondering what is wrong with my friends who do smoke. So I do what most people would do, I pick up the butts to discard them. When I take a closer look, I see that all the butts are John Players and not du MAURIER like all our friends smoke. Okay, so now it is one of my red neck, wife beatin, tobaca chewin' neighbours. The people to my south are the disrespectful cat owners, so they cant be the ones who would double disrespect me. So that leaves my northerly neighbours. I know that the woman doesn't smoke, and I have a feeling that the guy does. Now if you have read my past posts about cats and the crazy lengths I go to rid myself of something once I have my mind made up, it will come as no surprise that I began trying to catch my neighbour in the act. So I hide behind our couch, I shimmy up beside the tree, I crouch behind a rose bush, but much to my chagrin nothing, zero, zip NADA!! He knows that I am watching him as he finds ways to mock me with those cigarette butts.

Then it happens, one day as I am in the shower I look out and see him in the act. He is smoking and getting ready to get on his bike and ride off. As he takes the last few drags from his cig, he calmly and casually glances around to make sure no one is looking, then strides in front of our house, and with a quick glance at our windows flicks the butts, buckles his helmet and rides away. Well the steam in the shower isn't from the water anymore, if Katie hadn't calmed my once famous, or rather infamous temper, my neighbour would have see a blur of nakedness and roundhouses all at once. But since Katie has made me a better and more calm man, I only jumped out of the shower and ran to the window to yell at the SOB, tracking water everywhere in the house as I did so. By the time I go the window open and began to yell, he was half way down the street on his crotch rocket appearing to look back at me with the kind of grin that makes you cringe and wish you had a full hand of fresh cow pie!

Since I couldn't get to the guy fast enough, I did what I thought was the next best thing. I quickly dressed, went outside and proceeded to pick up every butt that I could find in the area. Then I took all the butts and placed them on his front step in a nice pile. Now some of you may think that this is childish and stupid, but I ask you how many people would thoughtfully and purposefully dispose of their cigarette butts in the same manner as my neighbour. If any of you say yes, then I have a full hand of fresh cow pie for ya, so come and see me!!

So anyway, where was I, oh yeah the pile of butts on his front step. Well he must have gotten the picture because I have not seen a butt in front of our house since, and if I did, well you read the whole thing COW PIE FOR ALL!! And if any of you smokers out there are still offended, well tough, I will get you some wine to go with that cheese. And to all of you smokers out there that do the right thing and dispose of the butts in the proper way, thanks and quit smoking it will kill you : )

For a quick update, I have recently placed a live trap with tuna out to catch my Nemesis to no avail. If anyone has any suggestions as to who to catch this little black and white devil, I am all ears! But keep in mind that Katie will not let me kill them. And for your viewing pleasure I give you our crazy block cat lady.