Thursday, December 27, 2007

The great debate

First things first, Merry Christmas, and an early Happy new Year!!

On a previous post of mine a certain "Rob" whom I don't think that I know, posted a comment about the debate over Metric vs. Imperial (or US standard as he liked to call it) systems of measurements. Well I am here to clear up the debate, Metric is the winner hands down. Now I don't know if Rob was just pointing something out or trying to make a point, but he got me thinking about this, which led to a post.

I know both systems and I use both systems everyday. I am used to inches and feet and things like that, I lived in the states so I understand miles and Fahrenheit, it is not that I don't get it but that if you think about it, imperial makes no sense what so ever. Now before all you Americans hate on me remember that this is only my opinion, as well as the opinion of the the world... seeing as only Liberia and Burma (AKA Myanmar)are the only remaining non-metric countries

Metric makes way more sense and is way easier to use and remember than imperial, you see everything is divisible by 10. All you have to do it know the order in which things go to make it all work, and it is the same right through from solids, to lengths to liquids and so on a so forth. You see everything starts at 0 and is divisible by 10. Let me give you an example or how easy it is, and if you don't believe me just check out this website for yourself.

1 kilometer is 1000 meters, 1000 meters is 100000 centimeters, 100000 centimeters is 1000000 millimeters. Now on the flip side of the imperial try this on for size. 1 mile is 1760 yards, 1760 yards is 5280 feet, 5280 feet is 63360 inches. Now unless you are a math major there is no way that you will always remember that, and if you do, then tell me how many feet are in 23.5 miles? there are 124080 and you all needed a calculator and also had to remember how many feet are in a mile. But if you asked how many meters are in 23.5 km that is done in my head in an instant 23500 with no calculator. Now you take any type of measurement that you want, area, volume or weight and it will always be the same as it is always divisible by 10.

And then there is the great debate over Celsius vs. Fahrenheit. The only thing that I have to say about that is that things start at zero, not 32. If you have $32 in your bank you aren't broke, but if you have $0 in your bank you are broke. Likewise with temperature. "Man it is below freezing it is like 28º" just doesn't make sense. You cant be positive something and still be below freezing. Take waters freezing point and boiling point In Celsius it is 0º and 100º respectively, while in Fahrenheit is it 32º and 212º respectively. what the heck does 32 and 212 mean and how were those number decided upon. Now I could go into that, but I am afraid that I have bored you enough already so I will just give you a web site to visit about Mr Fahrenheit and all his craziness about multiplying by 7 1/2 and 15/16 etc.

So I think that it is pretty clear that metric and Celsius make more sense and are the way to go, but if you are still not convinced, just ask anyone who works for a large manufacturer, mill working shop, hospital, or is from a country other than The USA, Liberia and Burma, and they will all tell you that metric is not going anywhere and is the way of the future as it is the world standard. So you had better get used to and and quit sniveling about how imperial and Fahrenheit are the best. Any questions, I didn't think so, I win you lose get used to it!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Tower of Babel, the bad side!

Okay, I know that most of you are going to think that I am a being a bit prejudice and need to learn to have tolerance, however, here I go.

I was at work the other day, and I was going to meet one of my employees to go over a job that I needed him to do. It was a simple job that was going to take a day. Nothing major or anything that should cause problems... I should know better!

We had done a job in the summer of removing and insulating and then re-pouring a 2600 square foot concrete pad. Now before you all ask, no we aren't in the concrete business and we used subs. So here we were prepping the pad with insulation, as it was going to have a walk in freezer on it, re bar and gravel, standard for around these parts. Well the job went well and we were done in 3 days. The freezer went up no problem and we were ready to get paid. or so we thought.

It is number months later and we are still waiting for final payment, and not just a little amount, enough to make a grown man cry! So I go over there to find out what is going on and it turns out that there is a crack where the old concrete and the new concrete meet. NO WAY, CRACKED CONCRETE AT A JOINT.... as you can tell I reek with sarcasm! concrete is going to crack and when you take it from one temp to another in a Short time it is just going to crack sooner!

Anyway to make a long story short, the company that we are doing the work for is Chinese, not a problem. However, these particular Chinese are a problem. You see I took my man down there to fix the "crack" so that we could get paid, and all I got was the run around. Here is what happened in a condensed form.

(Chinese owners) We are not ready for you, come back on Monday.
(Matthew ) We will come back, but you need to pay us the money that you owe us after we are done.
(a bunch of angry Chinese and gestures towards me and my guy)
Can we do part of the work now?
(a bunch of angry Chinese and gestures towards me and my guy)
We need to complete the work so that we can get paid
(a bunch of angry Chinese and gestures towards me and my guy)
Can we come back Monday, do the work and then get paid?
(a bunch of angry Chinese and gestures towards me and my guy)
For the love of everything holy and pure answer my questions...

and so on and so forth. Now you can see what my problem was. I do not know Chinese nor do I pretend to know it. I was talking with these clients in the only language that was common to both of us and out of the blue and for most of the time I was left wondering what the heck was being talked about. Here is where I have the problem, you are dealing with me in a business setting, I am not at your door asking for money or a donations. We did work for you and you owe us money, and we are in bed together in the business sense, so SPEAK THE COMMON GROUND LANGUAGE!!! not speak English because we are in Canada, but speak the language that is common to both parties.

After dealing with this for 2 hours, I had enough and told them to speak to me so that I could understand them. 3-4 of them were talking in front of me in Chinese like I wasn't there. Enough is enough. I finally told them that we were coming Monday and that they needed to talk to me so that I could understand what was being said. I know that they were talking badly about me, and that is okay, but have the balls to say it to my face!! Different languages are good, but when you use your language to your advantage on purpose, well then you are in the wrong in my opinion especially when you know that the opposing party cant understand a word that is being said and the conversation involves them. I wish that I was able to speak another language at that point just to make them feel as angry and frustrated as I was!

One final word that I have, is to bite me if you think that I am being harsh, prejudice or anything of the sort. You deal with what I had to and then come and talk to me!

What the HECK happened!! you know who you are!!

So I want to name names, but unless it is mine then I have decided to leave people to their anonymity. However, I really want to hang a couple of people out to dry for something that I was promised and never came to fruition. Let me lay it out for you, and those of you who I am talking about, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

I have a problem with cats, yes yes I know that it might be an obsession, but also just in general I have a problem with cats. So anyway as you have all read I have a little thing going with these devil creatures in my neighbourhood, ranging from a pulled hamstring to me throwing all the cat shit into the neighbours yard (don't worry it is the cat owner's yard!) So I was with some friends awhile back and the topic of Satan's pets came up. We all got to talking and after a few bottles of wine and a some beer, we came up with a great idea for these creatures of the depths! When we were gone to Grand Rapids for American Thanksgiving, two individuals would take it upon themselves to rid me of my problem(s). It was all planned to perfections, the covert operation was going to take place while I was out of town and therefore wouldn't be liable for the deaths that were about to occur... PERFECT!!!

How it was going to happen was late at night two "friends" were going to use all their skill in tracking, guerrilla warfare, sniper ability, and last but definitely the most important BLOW GUN SKILLS!! You see I have been shot with a dummy dart from the end of a blow gun, and all I can say is D@#MN does it hurt. You put a lethal dart in there and "Bye bye kitty Kat". We left and thought that the plan would go into effect and thought that it had, that was until the last snow fall.

You see when we returned home, there were no real signs of the local pests, "great, they are dead at last" I thought to myself. Then the truth started to reveal itself. After the latest snow fall, when I retrieved our morning paper, there they were taunting me... foot prints, and not just any prints but those of a demonic cat! I decided to investigate a little more to make sure that it was cat prints for sure and it lead me right to a little dirt mound that reeked of cat!!! I couldn't believe it my "friends" had let me down, there had been no killing field in the middle of the night, there had been no stuck cat crawling under some tree to die a slow and painful death, there had been no.... you get the point.

So to those of you out there, and you know who you are, I relinquish my friendship and ask that you never speak to me or of this again. I left my heart wide open and it was broken and left for dead with a little spittle on it. The sad thing is that the joke was on me and not on the cats. It wasn't the cats that died, but a little part of me died that fateful morning when I went to get the paper... I will forgive but the heart wont forget, a cat hater scorned is, well a cat hater scorned.

Cats 3 Me 2

to be continued....

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Incompetence at its very worst

Okay, what is it with drivers in Calgary. I swear we have some, if not the most incompetent drivers in the world!! I was driving on crowchild yesterday and everyone around me spontaneously decided that it would be a good idea to completely and totally ignore the speed limit. Now normally I would be fine with this as long as they are ignoring it to exceed the posted limit, however this was not the case. Everyone started to slow down to around 60km/hour now if it was slick and people were sliding out of control... GET 4 wheel drive and don't make it my problem. The speed limit signs don't say "80km except in rain snow or any inclement weather", they simply say Maximum - which interestingly enough is used because it has the same meaning in french and English, but I digress - 80km. So take your skirt off and drive the speed limit, we do live in Calgary and have had snow before you should know how to drive in it!!

So now I am going 60km when I should be going 90km at least. As I look around I begin to notice something, and believe me when I say that this is not meant to be sexist, but 80% of these drivers were women. So to all you women out there, please tell me why this happens and what makes it necessary to go 60 in an 80 zone.

When I was finally able to get near my destination, the same thing was happening. I was driving down 26th ave and everyone was going 35-40km. Now for those of you who have driven this road before you will know this to be true. For some reason people treat the entire length of 26th ave as a playground/school zone. I have checked and to my knowledge there are only 3 school zones and 1 playground zone on this street, so it baffles me that it is treated like the whole bloomin' thing is a 30km/hour zone. Now just to prove that I am not a sexist pig, this time 90% of these drivers were over the age of 70 and mostly men. Now I don't have a problem with the elderly, on the contrary, but I do have a problem with people who are too old to drive the speed limit, or for that matter see the signs for the speed limit. Once you pass the age of 70, I believe that you should have to be re-tested for your license every year MINIMUM.

So to end this rant, all I want and ask for, is for the people in our great city of Calgary to take a moment to realize that the gas is the one on the right, and please stop riding your brakes and drive the speed limit or faster. People who don't are the cause of accidents, Speed doesn't kill, incompetent and slow drivers kill!! And for all who don't agree, feel free to comment all you want as long as you realize I am right and you are wrong.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Virginity and innocence lost in Michigan

Alright, I understand that it has been a long time since I have written anything in here. But that is because I didn't have anything to write that was worthy (not that anything is really I suppose) and I also didn't have any time. So that being said here we go.

I was Down in the states for thanksgiving visiting with my in-laws. It has been a year since we have been there so we were looking forward to the trip. The entire trip was great and we had a wonderful time, but there is one day in particular that will stick out in my mind for a long time, November 24 2007, the day I lost my virginity - or almost.

I am not a hunter, never have been and probably never will be. The only hunting I have ever done was when we went pheasant hunting in 2002, even then the birds are placed and you go with a trained dog who finds the birds for you. I did this with my father-in-law and my two brother-in-laws which was a blast. So even when I went hunting, I didn't REALLY go hunting. Well on Saturday November 24 2007, it was decided that we (the same fore mentioned foursome and one extra) would head down to Marcellus Michigan to go "Hunt us some deers"

We got to the field where we would set up the push, two shooters would sit at one end of a piece of land while the other three walked through the creeks, dead fall and Fields to stir up any deer. This all sounded like a great idea 3 people pushing some deers into 2 shooters set up for the kill. I made sure that I was wearing the most orange in the group at this point and went to get my gun. "No gun for you Matt" my father-in-law coolly stated, "The fine is huge down here, plus you're Canadian." Now things start to change, first off I don't hunt, second off, I am walking towards 2 people that do and third I am the only bastard dumb enough to be walking in a field during hunting season in Michigan with only a stick. We were off.

After walking the creek and dead fall, Pops, tag along and myself start to "push" the final Field. We make sure to zig zag so that no deer are missed and we move at an equal rate around 50 yards apart. Well I am having a good time, thinking about life, walking through head high brush and carrying my trusty stick... BAM BAM BAM BAM, four loud shots echo through my head, entering one ear and exiting the other in a split second. "Am I dead" I think to myself, and more important "Did I just shit myself..." Before I can figure that out, I am on the ground deep in prayer to God that I just make it out alive as I hear BAM BAM BAM BAM, four more shots from another directions. "Damn they are sniping me from all sides." After I felt it was safe to emerge, I check myself for wounds "Head, Chest, Balls yup still there" okay we are good to go. I raise my arms and show my orange and ask what just happened, and that I think I had just soiled myself not once, but twice in a matter of seconds. It turns out that a big Buck had been scared right behind me and one of the shooters took four shots and missed, and then another deer was spotted and was being shot at by another shooter whom also missed - boy I was thankful for my big bad stick and the fact that I had soiled myself for no deer...

After the we meet up and chatted, I calmly asked that no one please shot me and that I didn't think I would make a nice head mount anyway as Canadians in Michigan aren't that uncommon. The final push of that day was through a little forest and field again. This time I was given a real gun, a 12 gauge double barrel shotgun (using slugs for ammo), "Damn, just like the movies" I thought. As I was walking a little ways in, I happened to spot a deer, it was just sitting there under some dead fall staring at me. Well this is where I make my in-laws, well lets just say they wouldn't call it my proudest moment. As I stared at the deer I suddenly remember what I was there to do, "ME HUNTER ARRGHHH" yet what really happened was the following conversation.

"kent, kent KENT!!! I see a deer... what do I do?"


"What do you mean by shoot it??"

"I mean hold up your gun and shoot it"

"Like kill it shoot it?? but it is lying down"

"Then make it get up and shoot it"

"Like kill it shoot it, or make it run shoot it?

"Like put the meat on your table shoot it"

"But it is just lying there staring at me"

"Would you just shoot it!!!"

"To scare it..."

then deer then got up and started to run, all the while thinking to itself "pussy, I cant believe I was just laying there and he wouldn't shoot" Well I did shoot, only it was more in the general direction then actually at the deer. But I did scare it towards the other shooters, who calmly exclaimed as the deer neared "Its only a little doe..." Ahhh the humiliation, but at least I had more than a stick to throw at it this time.

So that is my first actual hunting experience in the wild where the animals aren't just sitting there waiting to be shot... AHH CRAP! In the end, I shat myself twice, thought I was shot twice, checked my body for holes and organs twice, got to hold two different sticks to feel like a man and shot in the directions (north I believe) of a deer. For me a very eventful hunt, but for a Michigander... well I will leave that for you all to decide.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

First real images and first kick

Well this past Thursday was quite the day. It started out, well shitty, on all accounts but would prove to end wonderfully. Work has, and continues to be stressful right now as we have so much work, and so few qualified employees to complete the work. So like always I was putting out fires and making promises that I still had to figure out how to do, and carrying on like that until about 12:30 when I went home to pick up Katie and head to our 19 week ultra sound. Well after a brief wait, I was allowed to go in the room ans see the little one for the first time since it was a "yolk sac" at 6 weeks. Well it is now a fully formed little baby that has arms legs and perfect little toes and fingers. Everything looks fine and t he baby is growing and healthy. It was extremely active and was making it hard for the tech to get the shots of the spine needed. So Katie had to get up a couple of times and get the little one to move around. We watched for 15-20 minutes or so. During it, it was moving a ton and very active, flailing its arms and legs this way and that. smiling, yawning and just active. I thought that I was all over the anatomy part of it, when the lady told me that we were looking at the heart, I thought we were looking at the head. turns out I have no idea when it comes to this stuff. Then we did the 4-D and saw it "punch" Katie, and then have a huge smile or yawn. It sort of looks like an alien, but still you can make out all the features, the lips, eyes, ears, nose, and according to the tech a "Strong jaw line" from its father. At least it has my jaw line and not my big ears (I hope). So that made my day better.

Later that night as we lay in bed, the baby was kicking Katie like crazy, but only enough to feel it on the inside. Then all of a sudden she could feel it on her belly. We laid there poking, prodding and eventually scolding (more me that Katie) the baby into kicking me when I had my hand on her belly. It was such a cool moment. First you have seen the baby inside so you know it is there, but then to feel it kick you and move around it such a different feeling. There is a baby in there, that is a part of me and is mine (that we know of so far).

So at the end of the day, work is important, but it is just work and nothing compared to the ultra sound and feeling my baby kick for the first time. As we say in the industry, "It's been one helluva day"

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Respect, or lack thereof

So my question that arises today pertains again to the cats, but also to those of you who smoke. Now we all know how I feel about cats and people who don't have control over them and let them run wild to shit and piss all over your flowers beds and gardens, which is really bad for pregnant women I might add. So we have that lack of respect covered. The other lack of respect that I am going to talk about today is that of certain smokers. Now before all you smokers get your g-string panties in a bunch, sit down, shut up and read the entire post.

As many of you know, I take great pride in having a nice looking yard and garden, free of weeds, most quack grass and any other non-natural items. So when I come home to see that I have cigarette butts strew about in front of my house on the sidewalk and street, as well as in my lawn I get to wondering what is wrong with my friends who do smoke. So I do what most people would do, I pick up the butts to discard them. When I take a closer look, I see that all the butts are John Players and not du MAURIER like all our friends smoke. Okay, so now it is one of my red neck, wife beatin, tobaca chewin' neighbours. The people to my south are the disrespectful cat owners, so they cant be the ones who would double disrespect me. So that leaves my northerly neighbours. I know that the woman doesn't smoke, and I have a feeling that the guy does. Now if you have read my past posts about cats and the crazy lengths I go to rid myself of something once I have my mind made up, it will come as no surprise that I began trying to catch my neighbour in the act. So I hide behind our couch, I shimmy up beside the tree, I crouch behind a rose bush, but much to my chagrin nothing, zero, zip NADA!! He knows that I am watching him as he finds ways to mock me with those cigarette butts.

Then it happens, one day as I am in the shower I look out and see him in the act. He is smoking and getting ready to get on his bike and ride off. As he takes the last few drags from his cig, he calmly and casually glances around to make sure no one is looking, then strides in front of our house, and with a quick glance at our windows flicks the butts, buckles his helmet and rides away. Well the steam in the shower isn't from the water anymore, if Katie hadn't calmed my once famous, or rather infamous temper, my neighbour would have see a blur of nakedness and roundhouses all at once. But since Katie has made me a better and more calm man, I only jumped out of the shower and ran to the window to yell at the SOB, tracking water everywhere in the house as I did so. By the time I go the window open and began to yell, he was half way down the street on his crotch rocket appearing to look back at me with the kind of grin that makes you cringe and wish you had a full hand of fresh cow pie!

Since I couldn't get to the guy fast enough, I did what I thought was the next best thing. I quickly dressed, went outside and proceeded to pick up every butt that I could find in the area. Then I took all the butts and placed them on his front step in a nice pile. Now some of you may think that this is childish and stupid, but I ask you how many people would thoughtfully and purposefully dispose of their cigarette butts in the same manner as my neighbour. If any of you say yes, then I have a full hand of fresh cow pie for ya, so come and see me!!

So anyway, where was I, oh yeah the pile of butts on his front step. Well he must have gotten the picture because I have not seen a butt in front of our house since, and if I did, well you read the whole thing COW PIE FOR ALL!! And if any of you smokers out there are still offended, well tough, I will get you some wine to go with that cheese. And to all of you smokers out there that do the right thing and dispose of the butts in the proper way, thanks and quit smoking it will kill you : )

For a quick update, I have recently placed a live trap with tuna out to catch my Nemesis to no avail. If anyone has any suggestions as to who to catch this little black and white devil, I am all ears! But keep in mind that Katie will not let me kill them. And for your viewing pleasure I give you our crazy block cat lady.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Freakin' out on a Saturday night part II

As we drove to our first destination, Kazs' kids, I was assured that everything would be alright and that we were simply looking to get an idea of what we might need in the near future. No biggie I kept telling myself, but as soon as we walked into the store panic overwhelmed my once calm demeanor, I was now in full "oh shit" mode. We spent a hour in there looking and examining prices. $1000 for a crib, $600 for a stroller, $600 for the change table, $XXX for diapers food and clothing, -$XXX for Katie not working anymore. Again quick math in my head and "OH SHIT" As we left this store we proceeded to another baby store called E-children with the same result. As we neared the end of our visit to E-children, my wife looked at me and could tell i was a bit uneasy, saying "Too much Too fast??" I could only muster a squeak that sounded like a "yes". We left the store and went about our nightly business, or so my wife thought.

that night we had two house warming parties to attend and since I know had a Built in Designated Driver, I thought it would be a good idea to bring Gin and Tonic, other was know as G&T, to the parties. As the parties wore on and the drinks came faster, I could no longer hold it in. I was now starting to sweat and it was not hot enough to sweat even if I wanted. As I wiped my brow, I kept telling myself to calm down and stop being an idiot. But the feeling could not be quelled, I was a ticking time bomb about to explode.

Now many of you would have stopped and thought to yourself, if I stopped drinking, maybe I will be able to calm down and think a little more rationally. Well my friends, I could have used that advice at the time of the said freak out.

As we pulled up to our second destination, the ticking inside was getting louder and louder like the infamous tell tale heart. I couldn't stop it so I quickly poured another drink and tried to push it back down. It was sort of working, so I was telling myself, until friends who had not heard about our little secret began to congratulate us and tell us how happy they were for us, all fine and dandy, but they continued on with things such as "Your lives will NEVER be the same" or "Hope you didn't like money" other said "Man you don't know what you are getting yourself into". Now as I look back on these I know that they weren't meant to wake a sleeping giant, and how were they to know what I had been going through all day. Well That was it, I couldn't control it anymore. I was now officially freaking out.

I am not ready for this, we cant afford this, do you know how much all this stuff cost, I cant be a parent, I wont be a good parent, 6 months is not enough time, I wasted the last 3 months, I want to travel more, is there a pause button, Can I make it stop and then start again when I am ready, do we have to get a mini van... were all thoughts and sentences that came out of my mouth in what seemed like one long run-on sentence. I was left panting for air, sweating and extremely unsure of myself. What have I gotten myself into. If too much G&T caused panic, I was officially KO'd drunk!

Here is the part where my two buddies "Trevor linden" and "Pete the Plumber" came to my rescue. They talked me down and calmed the monster that was now unleashed. To make this LONG story short, a few more drinks and a lot of conversation about buying second hand, not getting more on our plate from God that we can handle, my wife most likely doing a lot of the feeding and stuff during the first few months, as well as numerous other heartfelt assurances that I, and we, can and will be able to do this.

So I am thankful to say that I have made it to and through my first and hopefully only official "freak out" of becoming a father. I still have times where I don't believe it, but I am thoroughly excited and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our little one in early march. To those of you who helped my little incident, thank you and good night!!

Freakin' out on a Saturday night part I

Well well well, I officially had a very VERY "freaked out" freak out session on saturday starting at around 3:15 and carrying on late into the night. Friends and family were there to witness and help calm me down, with a special shout out to my boys Trevor Linden, and Pete the plumber - Thanks!

I guess that I should preface this blog with the reason why I freaked out, you see my wife and I are expecting a little baby over the next year... that is right you heard it right, we are pregnant and having a child. So before the wise cracks start, yes my boys can swim and apparently very well as all it took was one try. So that is the background info to the story, shall we begin.

I awoke on a cool but sunny saturday morning and rolled over to see if my wife was awake or still sleeping. As per normal she was sleeping as evidenced by an adorable little baby like snore> I slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen to make us some breakie, eggs and toast. When my wife finally rose from her slumber, we sat and ate our food over some tea and conversation about what our day would entail.

As the day started to warm up and the sun beat down hotter and hotter on the earth, we decided to talk a nice walk in griffith woods. It was a short drive later that we found ourselves hand in hand walking on the paths through the unique woods that is simply know as "Griffith". We passed numerous people, saying the mandatory and obligatory hellos, with an occasional "wha sup" nod thrown in to single men walking or running passed. It was here that my freak out began to grow and fester. You see we walked past a couple, but not just any couple, a VERY pregnant couple. The woman looked liked she was litterally about to bust and I may have even saw some amniotic fluid on the path, without proper testing I couldnt be sure. Then it hit me, that is going to be us in 9 months... wait a minute we already are 3 months pregnant. With a little quikc math in my head, that left us with only 6 months to prepare. The sweat from walking and the sun was now being joined by the sweat of terror and fear. What have we gotten ourselves into, we cant handle this, we cant even handle ourselves. How are we going to be able to bring a child into the world and be able to handle it. And not only that, but we have just throw the first 3 months away and done nothing to prepare. I began to glisten.

A short time later, as we were walking, I calmly looked at my wife and said "are we ready for this?" She looked at me blankly and asked "What, what arent we ready for?" "A child" was my response. The conversation carried on for the remainder of our walk as we discussed the time we had left and that we would learn as we went with the hlp of friends and family. By the end of the walk, I was quite calm, and the sweat was now simply from the heat and nothing else. I even felt brave enough to suggest that we go and look at baby stuff... first mistake.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


So we have a nicely manicured and well groomed front and back yard. Something that we put a lot of time an effort into and take pride in. A lot of people wonder why we put the time and effort in, but I want to have the nicest lawn and yard on the block. No big deal right, well that was until recently this summer when our neighbours decided to get a cat, sorry a DAMN CAT!!

Now some of you readers out there might be cat lovers, and so I don't offend, I urge you to stop reading here and now. If not, continue on as I delve into what I believe should be a cat free world, or at least my little part of the world.

Our neighbours to the south have had kittens before, which are quite harmless, until they become full blown cats. The problem with cats, is that they are evil and can see through your soul. Have you ever seen a cat that is not skidish and that you can actually enjoy. Cats do their thing when and how they want, we used to have a neighbour who would walk her cat on a leash, this was the funniest shit I have ever seen, as the cat would lay down on the sidewalk and not move, leaving the lady standing there, looking stupid with a cat on a leash until that cat was ready. A dog you can train and are loyal, but a cat would scratch your eyes out if it felt like it, pure evil. And their slit eyes are eerily similar those a serpents eyes, and we all know the most famous serpent of all... But on top of that, it seems socially acceptable to just simply let you cat out at night or during the day to roam free doing what ever they please, which brings me to my point about our neighbours stupid cats, which I might add are unlicensed and collarless.

You see the stupid cats that live in our neighbour hood decided that it would be a great idea to use our gardens and flowerbeds as a litterbox, and for those of you who know, cat feces and urine is a very unpleasant and pungent odour. Not only do they use our flower beds as a litter box, but the bird houses that Katie loves and likes to watch as the birds build nests and chicks are born and so on and so forth, they get invaded, raped and pillaged a la Genghis Khan. We woke one morning to see a lot of nest on the ground with some little hatchling remains, which did not make Katie a happy person.

Now if some of you have advice on how to get rid on the cats we are all ears, so far I have tried cat repellent, cat scat, and rocks. The repellent didn't work as I came home one day and saw the cat sitting there looking at me, almost smiling like the Cheshire cat. So i launched out of my truck and took off after the cat. It jumped and took off under the our deck with no way out, until I heard a thrilling "THUD" and the cat was gone. I thought it might have knocked it self out, leaving it a sitting duck, but it simply bashed its head on the deck and was gone. In the meantime, I ended up with a pulled hamstring. Cat 1 - Me 0

The other option of rocks has worked fairly well. We keep a few stones on our table in case we see the cats, and simply launch them at the felines in the hopes of have a David and Goliath moment. I have hit the cats on numerous occasions but I am yet to kill one. So Cat 1 Me 1. That brings me to the option that I am using now, cat scat. This is a little mat that has spikes sticking up so that the cat cant walk on the dirt without pain. So far it is working, and i am going to build some more out of brad nails and plywood, something that will actually puncture the paws of the cat to cause pain and suffering.

That is right people I want pain and suffering for these and all cats, and I mean that. If Katie would let me, I would set our squirrel trap with bait, catch the little devils and throw them in the river with a rock tied to their tail, or better yet, I have tried to leave antifreeze out "by accident" so the nosy cats would get their due justice (try this at home). Katie, however, has kiboshed these and many other ideas and has given up on the hope of getting rid of the stupid animals. I, on the other hand, will fight tooth and nail until they are gone (IE dead).

The Final thing that puts the nail in the coffin about cats is this. Have you ever heard the saying "Oh there is the crazy dog woman with all those dogs..." No, it is always been and will always remain "There goes the crazy cat lady..."

I leave you on this post with the score Cat 1 Me 2 with the hopes of changing it one day to Cat - dead Me - Winner. And to all those cat lovers out there, I told you to stop reading so you can only blame yourself and cant get mad at me or think I am cruel.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Giving up coffee

Okay, so I decided to give up coffee for the span of one month, no I am not crazy enough to give it up forever. This was a decision that I came to one night while I laid awake not feeling that well, and looking back on the past few days of not feeling well, and I came to the realization that I was drinking too much coffee. Now some of you may question this thought process and tell me that one can not drink too much coffee, but when you start to feel bloated and you are using a quick "timmies" (Tim Horton's for you American folk) for a pick me up instead of breakfast, lunch - or in my case usually both, things are not good.

So as of august 1st I have not had any coffee. I have found that my cravings weren't as bad at the beginning of my ordeal, but as the days have turned into weeks (august 9 today) I find more and more that I might be on the verge of killing for a coffee. I even find myself day dreaming as I drive about church coffee... I know scary, we all know we only drink church coffee because

A) everyone else is
B) It is the socially acceptable thing to do after church
C) It gives you an out when you don't want to talk to someone

other than these reason, we really don't ever need to submit ourselves to the "church coffee" simply for enjoyment, it doesn't exist.

There was one other thing that I have started to notice since I have given up my beloved coffee, and this may comes as a shock to some of you, I have started to inexplicably gain weight. Now for those of you who don't know me really well, gaining weight has always been an issue with me, as in I was always the scrawny kid with the pipe cleaner arms. Now don't get me wrong I am not complaining nor am I saying that I am fat, but I got my thinking. Give up coffee, gain weight... there had to be a correlation, something that ties to two together. Then it came to me, coffee is a natural stimulant that causes the bowels to do their thing, which up until this point had been a regular 3 times a day occurrence. Well now I was experiencing something that scared me, my routine had been broken, my days are muddled and confused as my natural clock is no longer running properly, as if it had run out of batteries.

So now, dear readers I have come to this point, I know that coffee is the battery that runs my natural clock, yet I have made the decision to give up coffee for a month. By my count I still have a long way to go until the end of august. So I am put to a decision, either put up with that fact that my body is pissed at me and is going to do everything to throw things off, or admit I cant do it and return to my beloved coffee like Romulus to the mother teat. So my decision is simple really...

I am going to start smoking, and that way I don't give up, I get my battery back up and running and all is well again. As we all know, a smoke and a coffee is always good for...

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Global Warming

Okay, let me first say right off the bat that I was not that concerned about global warming in the past. Not that I didn't care or think that it is okay if the polar ice caps melt and un-named islands in the south pacific may be consumed by raising water levels (although if i have never heard of them what does it matter JK). But recently I have started to concern myself with it, again not for the ice caps or for the sinking islands, but strictly for me and my comfort level.

Disclaimer: Now for many of our U.S. readers this may come as a surprise, but it is the truth none the less that we don't have snow year round, and yes we do get a lot of hot weather.

Over the past four years since Katie and I have moved to Calgary we have had increasingly hot weather throughout the summer months. Take this July for example, I cant remember the last time I didn't come home from work bitching and complaining about the hot weather. There is nothing like leaving the house in the morning know full well that at the end of the day you will be a sweaty mess and will have nothing good to say about life until 2-3 ice cold cervesa's have gone down the hatch. Now I want to enjoy the heat just as much as the next person, but when you cant do anything outside because you start to sweat just thinking about it... well that just is not a good thing in my book.

The weather in the summers here is starting to reminding of the summers in Grand Rapids. For those of you from there, this is not an insult, just my opinion on the summer weather. It was usually in the high 20's and low 30's (80's and low 90's) with a high humidity level, and when you step outside after a nice shower, you are wet again and in need of another shower. Not something that I miss at all, and that I thought I was getting away from when we moved to Calgary. You see normally the summer weather in Calgary, again only my opinion, is very nice and manageable, low to mid 20's (70's -80's) and very little humidity, and at night the mountains give us a nice refreshing cool night which make me sleep like a baby. But now, we get high 20's and low 30's (80's-90's) and the nights stay hot and stick as well. We have been sleeping in our basement to try and escape the heat. I know that most of you will simply say "Get A/C". A very good point, but when it doesn't grow on trees and going from hot to cold and vice verse makes you sick, it complicates the matter somewhat.

So to make a long story short, I want to urge all of you to take a stand against global warming, reuse, recycle and use less energy and in general do whatever you can to stop this from continuing on. I don't ask this of all of you to save the Polar bears environment or to stop the bleaching of the Great Barrier Reef, no I ask/demand this of you so that I can live in peace and enjoy the summers without having to sleep downstairs, buy A/C and become a borderline alcoholic just to stay sane and cool. For all of this I besiege you STOP GLOBAL WARMING!!

This is what I have to look forward to this week. AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Match made in heaven

well with the stampede officially over, and not without controversy and animals casualties, I am obligated to create another post. So seeing as the moustache is gone (yes Katie made sure) and we are heading into another sweltering week of HOT weather, I thought I would write a blog about how hot and attractive a couple we are together.

We met over 8 years ago at Calvin, and the chemistry was instantaneous. There was no denying it, we were hot for each other and with good reason, we are a couple of extremely attractive people. Everyday when we would see each other, it was like nothing else in the world could hold beauty, yes we are that pretty. Many of you reading this may think that I am being arrogant and cocky by writing this, but I say to you "you have seen us... how can you deny what I say is true!!!"

Now I could go on and on about how the Seven wonders of the world, (Recently updated by the way) are no match for our combined beauty as a couple, and the Venus de milo is a Dog by our standards, but instead I will put my money where my typing fingers are, and present our pictures to rest my case. And if you were a doubter before, you will no longer be like Thomas after viewing the beauties that are Matthew and Katie Weening.


Now that my friends is what we call SEX APPEAL!! YEAH BABY GGGGRRRRRRR

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Stampedin' with the 'stache!!

So it is that time of year again in Calgary. Yup that is right the greatest outdoor show on earth has arrived and kicked off in style on Friday July 6, 2007. It is a time of year when close to 1.5 million visitors will travel from all over the world to our great city to take in the sights and sounds of the midway, rodeo, chuck wagons, and nightly fireworks. You know the Calgary stampede has arrived again each year by the show of hats, boots, buckles, friendly yeee haaaws and most important of all... my infamous handle bar moustache!

Many of you many not know, or simply do not care about this phenomenon that was started three years ago, as I sat on our deck enjoying a cold beer and the summer nights I had an epiphany. I was born in Calgary and live here, yet I don't have any real Calgary spirit when it comes to the Calgary stampede. I thought about how I could change this and what would it take to get into the spirit of the stampede. I could get a hat, some gator boots and wear tight hiked up wranglers for 10 days. The hat worked, but the boots and tight jeans just weren't a good fit. Then it came to me, I had to grow a mean ole handle bar moustache and make it a yearly tradition. So I grew what is now known around these here parts as simply the "STACHE".

In order to grow this stache and have it a surprise for its official unveiling, I had to start by growing a beard. Now three years ago, I had never tried to grow a beard, but to my surprise I could quite easily. So let my beard grow for about a month before the stampede kicked off in July that year and then on the Thursday night before the madness began, and people flocked like locusts to our great city, I shaved the beard and left the beautiful 'stache.

Now he beauty of all this and real kicker is that it turns out Katie absolutely hates, and I mean HATES my stache and couldn't believe that I had actually taken the time to plan this all out to a tee for my city and stampede spirit. She was even more disturbed by the fact that it was going to be staying for 10 full days and that I had made it a annual event for the stampede. After some crying and yelling (just kidding) she decided that she could live with it for the 10 glorious days of stampedin', but still asks me why I hate her so much when I grow it every year.

So to all you stamped lovin' peps!! Enjoy the stampede and show your spirit with pride. And I OFFICIALLY GIVE YOU THE STACHE OF 2007!! YEEEEEE HAAAAWWWW!!!

Check it out here to see what the stampede is all about!!

Thursday, July 5, 2007


The story of a sweet and innocent blackberry: By Matthew James Weening

I started my life in a nice factory where i was put together on an assembly line by nice people.
Nice people put me in very comfortable packaging and sent me to the store
I was a new blackberry, the small compact type,
One day a nice young man comes in and decides to purchase me for a hefty sum of $600.00
I think, when someone spends that kind of money on a phone they will take care of it.
I am treated well for the first little while, downloading games, emailing and Pining
Then one day when my owner drops me, I think ouch but no big deal
I am dropped more and more frequently as the days turn into months
I started to feel like the red headed step child
Finally the last straw, I am dropped, yet again and this time I land on his Steel toed boot


There goes my nice plasma screen, but I think that will get replaced asap
Boy was I wrong, I look like this for two months and almost have had it with this guy
Today was the last straw, i was being used as a flashlight and had my chance so I took it
I jumped out of his hand and into a sump pump hole full of water, ah glorious freedom from this cruel world!
As I am dying i hear a tirade of four letter words and expletives galore through the muffled water and sump pump sounds
To top it all off, this final act in my life was performed in front of the grand daddy of audiences.
The BOSS, BIG CHEESE, HEAD HONCHO, or CLARENCE as we like to call him was their to witness my glorious end!

SO good bye cruel world, and thanks for the memories

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

It is I whom wins the first battle, and I alone

Alright so here is what my great poker knowledge tells me.

Call the hand, steal a cherry tomato, and down a beer real quick before you have to flip the cards. Then IF I lose, have another beer and then go home have a good time with the old lady, then call it a night at the roxbury well spent.

I could have gone on and on about the odds, the calculations, pot size, chips stack, what cards were out there, but I didnt, and when it is all said and done, My aggressive call and this the post is enough to win this the "BATTLE NUMERO UNO" and if not, well then at least I had a beer, a cherry tomato and a helluva good time after.

Enough said, Weenz 1 the field NADA, you can reach me on my cell to congratulate BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE.


Saturday, June 9, 2007

The majestic power of nature

As many of you know this week, June 4 we in calgary were treated a rare occurance, a freak flash flood. Now we have had floods before as late as 2005, yet this was due to a month of constant rain and the ground being saturated. This was a flash flood like we havent seen in almost a century. It began as a thunder storm warning that turned into the all to familiary (for thos in Michigan) ominous green sky. We were playing softball in the NE and had just called the game for saftey reasons when the heaven open up and BAM we were getting hammered by Rain. The beauty/curse of this storm was that it engulfed the whole city, for those who have never been here, we are over a million people spread out over a vast area of land, so needless to say it is rare that Calgary will be completely blanketed by a storm from north to south and east to west all at the same time. It rained, sorry downpoured to to point where waterfalls were coming off the over passes and Katie and I thought we were going to have a broken windsheild any moment, for a steady 45 minutes, and when it was all said and done, every quadrant of the city was experiencing major flooding. Underpasses were flooded out, houses were on fire from lighting, cars were submereged and the city was in chaos. Now after katie and I had managed to drive through the mess by carefull picking our route, we were able to enjoy the rest of the storm, sirens and stories of major damage over a nice pint at a local bar with the rest of our team. So the point of this post is to always take time to enjoy the power and majest of God's nature whilst talking over your favorite pint at your local watering hole with friends.

Here is a link to see the damage that ensued, it is estimated that the damage will be well over $20 million dollars for the 10 centimeters or 4 inches that fell in less than an hour. This is what would normally fall in the month of June combined. And remember the whole city was hit at the same time. Truly a freak storm and one to remember.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Scary movies

So this week begins the next installment of the horrow film Hostel. We are going to be treated with Hostel II. Once again this movie provides no plot or story line of relavance, it does however, contribute to the scary movie club that has been started and still maintained by yours truly, Katie Weening and last, but most definitely NOT least, Alex Schaap.

Now for those of you who do now know, Katie and I are strangely addicted to scary/horror movies. We plan to see as many as possible on opening night. Now back to Hostel II, like I stated before there will be no real story line or plot that we will talk about after it is all said and done, but what will be talked about it the crap that we just witnessed and subjected ourselves too of our own free will. This club is some sick twisted way to rid us all of our fears, yet for some reasons (for me at least) reassures that my fears are alive and well, just ask katie about my ferocious head butt that no doubt left a nasty bruise.

So to all you who are brave enough to submitted to that which is the scary movie (whatever scares you the most) i salute you and hope to see you at the next club meeting, where the rest of us Elite Hunting Group members will be screaming, crying or just simply curled up in a fetal postion wanted our mommy and wonder why on God's green earth we keep doing this to ourselves. So until next time, Happy hunting and be brave my little one!

Friday, June 1, 2007

Warning adult post

So as many of you know ( and if you didnt you do now) I have a tendency to do certain things while i am "sleeping". I am only aware that I have been sleep walking, sleep talking and yes even sometimes... well you know, when Katie informs me of it in the morning or the next few days sometimes. It is always the same response, "there is no way, I would remember if I went there, or said that, or did that" Well I was reading the paper today and I came across the answer to what ails me, not so much as a cure, but at least an explanation of some sort. So to all those who have laughed at the stories that katies tells ei. Navajo Warrior (DONT EVER ASK CAUSE YOU NEVA GONNA KNOW), or me building something with katie being the parts and so on and so forth, I know can say that there is proof of it being something I am not in control of and therefore can take no responsibility for : ) I thought this might interest you as many who we have talked to can now understand a little bit more about what it is like for me at night.

Now before you read this, you must know that nothing that is in this article is even close to what I experience, but it explains a little about what it is.

Monday, May 28, 2007

10 Steps on how to PROPERLY eat a TIM TAM

The tail end of my last post brought me back to the Tim Tams of australia, and i need a whole post to do these Biscuits (NOT COOKIES) justice so here goes

The Following is called a "TIM TAM SLAM"

Step one: Buy the Tim Tams
Step Two: Buy a Large Double Double (tim hortons)
Step Three: Bite the corner off the Tim Tam
Step Four: Bite the opposite corner off the Tim Tam
Step Five: insert the bitten off corner just into the coffee
Step Six: Place your lips around the other corner that is bitten off
Step Six: Slowly (as not to burn youself)suck the Coffee through the Tim Tam
Step Seven: Let the Coffee melt and soften the Tim Tam
Step Eight: Eat the rest of the Tim Tam before it gets messy
Step Nine: Lick your fingers COMPLETELY clean
Step Ten: Repeat Steps one - nine until you have no more Tim Tams or are stuffed

That is my contribution to society - 10 STEPS ON HOW TO EAT A TIM TAM

And of course a YouTube link to go with it.

Life after Australia

Well to honest it sucks... or i should say sucked for around 3 weeks. Getting back into things was not easy and especially since when we arrived back in Calgary we were treated with a sub zero week of flurries at the beginning of april. So going from 30+ weather for 5 weeks to -5 for a week is not easy. Oh well that is life as we know it!

We have since welcomed a new addition to the family here in calgary. Chris and Missy had their 4th, that is right FOURTH, girl Reese Emmaunuelle Weening on April 27th. So that is new. Other than that nothing to report on this side of the equator/North America.

To all the Australians who look at this, feel free to send some Tim Tams here anytime soon. To all those who dont know what i am talking about, there are only the greatest biscuits (NOT COOKIES) ever invented.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Some final Candids

Here are some candid shots we had throughout, and russel crowe as well. Some are repeats so tough. If you need/want explanations on them you are going to have ask, or come to grips with being disappointed : )

We hope you enjoyed following our trip as much as we enjoyed sharing it with you all.