Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Virginity and innocence lost in Michigan

Alright, I understand that it has been a long time since I have written anything in here. But that is because I didn't have anything to write that was worthy (not that anything is really I suppose) and I also didn't have any time. So that being said here we go.

I was Down in the states for thanksgiving visiting with my in-laws. It has been a year since we have been there so we were looking forward to the trip. The entire trip was great and we had a wonderful time, but there is one day in particular that will stick out in my mind for a long time, November 24 2007, the day I lost my virginity - or almost.

I am not a hunter, never have been and probably never will be. The only hunting I have ever done was when we went pheasant hunting in 2002, even then the birds are placed and you go with a trained dog who finds the birds for you. I did this with my father-in-law and my two brother-in-laws which was a blast. So even when I went hunting, I didn't REALLY go hunting. Well on Saturday November 24 2007, it was decided that we (the same fore mentioned foursome and one extra) would head down to Marcellus Michigan to go "Hunt us some deers"

We got to the field where we would set up the push, two shooters would sit at one end of a piece of land while the other three walked through the creeks, dead fall and Fields to stir up any deer. This all sounded like a great idea 3 people pushing some deers into 2 shooters set up for the kill. I made sure that I was wearing the most orange in the group at this point and went to get my gun. "No gun for you Matt" my father-in-law coolly stated, "The fine is huge down here, plus you're Canadian." Now things start to change, first off I don't hunt, second off, I am walking towards 2 people that do and third I am the only bastard dumb enough to be walking in a field during hunting season in Michigan with only a stick. We were off.

After walking the creek and dead fall, Pops, tag along and myself start to "push" the final Field. We make sure to zig zag so that no deer are missed and we move at an equal rate around 50 yards apart. Well I am having a good time, thinking about life, walking through head high brush and carrying my trusty stick... BAM BAM BAM BAM, four loud shots echo through my head, entering one ear and exiting the other in a split second. "Am I dead" I think to myself, and more important "Did I just shit myself..." Before I can figure that out, I am on the ground deep in prayer to God that I just make it out alive as I hear BAM BAM BAM BAM, four more shots from another directions. "Damn they are sniping me from all sides." After I felt it was safe to emerge, I check myself for wounds "Head, Chest, Balls yup still there" okay we are good to go. I raise my arms and show my orange and ask what just happened, and that I think I had just soiled myself not once, but twice in a matter of seconds. It turns out that a big Buck had been scared right behind me and one of the shooters took four shots and missed, and then another deer was spotted and was being shot at by another shooter whom also missed - boy I was thankful for my big bad stick and the fact that I had soiled myself for no deer...

After the we meet up and chatted, I calmly asked that no one please shot me and that I didn't think I would make a nice head mount anyway as Canadians in Michigan aren't that uncommon. The final push of that day was through a little forest and field again. This time I was given a real gun, a 12 gauge double barrel shotgun (using slugs for ammo), "Damn, just like the movies" I thought. As I was walking a little ways in, I happened to spot a deer, it was just sitting there under some dead fall staring at me. Well this is where I make my in-laws, well lets just say they wouldn't call it my proudest moment. As I stared at the deer I suddenly remember what I was there to do, "ME HUNTER ARRGHHH" yet what really happened was the following conversation.

"kent, kent KENT!!! I see a deer... what do I do?"


"What do you mean by shoot it??"

"I mean hold up your gun and shoot it"

"Like kill it shoot it?? but it is lying down"

"Then make it get up and shoot it"

"Like kill it shoot it, or make it run shoot it?

"Like put the meat on your table shoot it"

"But it is just lying there staring at me"

"Would you just shoot it!!!"

"To scare it..."

then deer then got up and started to run, all the while thinking to itself "pussy, I cant believe I was just laying there and he wouldn't shoot" Well I did shoot, only it was more in the general direction then actually at the deer. But I did scare it towards the other shooters, who calmly exclaimed as the deer neared "Its only a little doe..." Ahhh the humiliation, but at least I had more than a stick to throw at it this time.

So that is my first actual hunting experience in the wild where the animals aren't just sitting there waiting to be shot... AHH CRAP! In the end, I shat myself twice, thought I was shot twice, checked my body for holes and organs twice, got to hold two different sticks to feel like a man and shot in the directions (north I believe) of a deer. For me a very eventful hunt, but for a Michigander... well I will leave that for you all to decide.